Bearing with Your wife

with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.
If it were only as easy as Rodney King's words were spoken, "People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?"

The reality is, you put a man and a woman together and you have many contentious issues arise and many fights in a lifetime. We are so different from one another, we definitely think differently even if we both have the mind of Christ.

There are various expectations we have on one another, ending up with many let downs, tough times, and more anger brewing, not so long after you finished your most recent arguement. It's the nature of things and it's human nature.

Determining the pecking order in your marriage isn't a bad thing, and there needs be some bucking up against one another, in order to have the leader rise to the top.  Who's really wearing the pants in the family will become obvious over time. 

It's not all about the man becoming a tryant, for he has got to nourish and cherish his wife, but he's also got to position himself as the head of the woman, and Christ being his head, a God ordained order for the family. Every Christian woman ultimately wants her husband to lead, and no woman can handle a cowardly whimpish man, she will ultimately take charge.

There is no doubt that every man wrestles with the residual effects of the fall and sees man's demise played out in his marriage. The curse being shown in the woman desiring to rule over the man. But sisters remember, man was created first, then woman. And the woman was made for the man and not the man for the woman. You are our helpmates, and we've got to love you in spite of how you may behave in our eyes. 

Now sister, you're saying, "hey, what about the men," well, what about the men? This study is one sided, and is meant to be so, in order to make stand out, what is needed in both husband and wife for a marriage to function properly.

What is needed according to this topic, "bearing with your wife," is a huge dose of longsuffering.  To have the ability to bear with one another, to put up with each others foibles (minor flaws or weaknesses in someone's character), that's a true work of God's Spirit in us.

Men sometimes get the short end of the stick in marriage, because things that go wrong usually are the man's fault. We brothers are such sinners, you know. But, the guys need to be commended that they try to get along with their wives. I've seen some men give up on their marriages, but most of the brothers I see and know and talk to are really putting in the effort to demonstrate Christ's fruit of forebearance, truly a fruit of love. Wives are a hard creature for the husbands to dwell with and understand, who knows what she's thinking. So many times men wonder, "why is she getting mad at me right now, I didn't really do anything wrong, the whole day was fine until she felt let down by me." Because of something we inconsiderately said or something we didn't finish that she kept reminding us about, but now at this bad timing, she's fuming about it, and making you hate life at the moment. Sisters can tear down their own houses with their hands if they are not careful.

This bried, non comprehensive study on one topic, like longsuffering in marriage, is not an idictment against any particular woman and for sure not against my wife, in my biased opinion she excels more than many other women in so many areas. In my observation of husbands and wives, there are definitely some stereotypical behaviors of men and women, that we could all laugh at if we weren't squabbling over them.

The woman might think, "he doesn't realize how many things I've had to bite my tongue over and just put up with. He has no clue at the ammount of times I could have chewed into him, but chose to hold back." Thanks to all the wives for your self control, giving us men brief periods of rest. But for all the times you don't hold back we end up troubled and have to demonstrate Christ's life, through bearing long.

A lot if our internal uneasiness in marriage is about our stepped on feelings, and the way certain behaviors have become percieved.

Biblically, in giving a problematic marriage a phrase, the wife could be likened unto "a dripping faucet." This is not really harsh, nor mean-spirited but just shocking and truthful words that are meant to bring fear of turning out like that.

Sister, have you  ever cringed, when a pastor brought up one of those dripping water verses?

13

And the contentions of a wife

A foolish son is the ruin of his father,are a continual dripping.

15

And a contentious woman are alike;

A continual dripping on a very rainy day

16

And grasps oil with his right hand.

Whoever restrains her restrains the wind,

So, men, how do you put up with the irritating noises, messing situations, one drip after another, ultimately threatening the integrity of the house?

Eccl 10:18

According to God's word, it's absolute laziness to let a house continue to leak, the house would potentially be destroyed, bringing mold, waterlogged wood, and carrying with it a rancid, stagnate smell.

Do you brother want your marriage to smell like you've never opened the windows to air things out?

You don't put a sock in a hole to stop a leaky roof. And you don't shut your wife up by telling her not to talk to you. Our precious Lord, whom you obtained favor from, gave you a sweet talker and she has much to say, about all kinds of things, including your driving, your bodily noises, you name it, she's going to say it. You know she's not your Holy Spirit, but she sure is close to being our conscience, and if you really listen to the things she has to say, you'll have a better life for it.

Prov 31:12

The scriptures remind us that the man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and He has been rather longsuffering with us, bearing long with us. How can we practically lay our lives down for our wives? We can start by putting our hand over our mouth. Brother, you don't have to say that choice and hurtful word that first come to mind in that evil moment. Turning yourself inwardly to Him, He'll show you how to overcome those evil moments with good.

We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers. Don't tell your wife she's being used by the enemy if you don't want to stir up more strife. But, like Jesus said to Peter, "Satan, get thee behind me," our wives also can become an offense to us and have their words coming straight from the enemy's mouth.

We both have an equal propensity to sin, just recall the words you've back-pedalled on, and remember the things you've regretted saying to her, this will fairly remind you to also be merciful to other sojourners. You can choose to commit to the Lord her verbal scruples (weaknesses) and let love cover a multitude of sin.

You are both sinners and you've got to give each other room to grow, knowing we have all missed the mark and do stumble in many things and there are no perfect men. 

Have patience and love during any treacherous time in your marriage, it can soothe over the damages. Bearing with one another is a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a God fearing husband.

We are fellow sinners who have vowed in holy matrimony, to have and to hold, for better for worse, for rich for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part.

My brother, be committed to overcoming this trouble filled spot in your marriage, and assure her you love her.

Bear with your wife in the things you just don't understand and in challenging ways she treats you. Make sure you voice your grievances when appropriate.

Also tell your wife of your needing her to take care of your personal needs, if you've had to bear long with her holding herself back from you. (for who knows what reason). Many of you know, it's not always about making love, but about a husband seeking to love his wife the way she needs to be loved. In doing this, you will find that she will care to meet your lingering hunger, even giving you a snack at times, and other times a full course meal. She'll be there in love for the man who loves her and puts up with her.

It appears for the most part, that the man who is longsuffering toward his wife, and truly walking in love, will find that what he is lacking and really needing, she can fulfill and will be more than happy to do so, because she feels loved and secure in her marriage with him.

Brothers, if you obey scipture and let the character of Christ shine through you, simply loving your wife, bearing with her complaints, her put downs, (her belittling you, or attacking your manliness), her nagging (which she doesn't even like about herself), her possibly hitting you, and/or her tears, your endurance will break her down.

"A soft answer turns away wrath," and you can diffuse her from exploding by being slow to speak and quick to listen.

Your kindness toward her wll melt her heart, she will become the tender, softer wife you married. So, just hang in there, do what's right and it will all pay off. There are great dividends in loving your wife and be able bear with those times she seems to just go on and on.

Recieve from her wisdom, listen to the one you married, and she will be even more blessed by you, and you will gain by her.  Then take some time write her a nice long card, from the heart, and once again find the keys to her heart. Also, be ready to show the Lord, on the beleiver's judgement day, that in your lifetime, you had longsuffering and were bearing with your wife in love, even when that love was being tested.

"O Lord, purify our marriages, make us men the leaders, help our wives to submit to our leadership, but may we be respectable and someone they'd want to submit to. Lord, make our marriages work. In Jesus name." Don't give up my beloved brethren.

12

All the days of her life.

She does him good and not evil

18

And through idleness of hands the house leaks.

much proof reading to still be done on this incomplete blog, thanks for your patience.

Because of laziness the building decays,

Prov 19:13

Prov 27:15-16

Sabbath a law or a good tradition?

Exodus 31:12 The Lord then gave these instructions to Moses: 13 “Tell the people of Israel: ‘Be careful to keep my Sabbath day, for the Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between me and you from generation to generation. It is given so you may know that I am the Lord, who makes you holy.

The Sabbath Day, God's day of rest at creation and later commanded by God for Israel to observe, this very day was given to man (Mark 2:27), specifically the Jews as a law, but in general as an example of Sabbath to everyone else, of resting and noticing and taking in "it is good" all the goodness of God, hearing and reading of all He has done. Sunday became the Christian sabbath, the first day of the week, celebrating our set aside time for God on the day that Jesus rose from the dead. But, Chrisitan tradition as sweet as that tradition is, not to be mixed up with the Sabbath law to the Jews. That special day was a sign between God and His people Israel. The concept of following this law, in a non legalistic way is still acceptable and a good thing, and I think that's one reason why the early church followed this pattern, and passed it on to continue having one special day that was important for God in your life. I believe Sundays are vital for the flock to hear the same marching orders, what the Spirit says to the churches, on the same day of the week, every week, but it's nice it's not like the Jewish law through Moses, but more on the voluntary basis, just in case your boss made you work a few Sundays, you're not at odds with God. Though I will say, I still will hold to good arguments of coming together on the first day of the week, but with an understanding heart toward any unknown unforeseen particulars, like hospital stays, vacations with no church gathering available, etc. Sabbath doubting brethren, just use Sunday gatherings as your easy standard to follow, a simple rule of thumb, so you won't procrastinate or get lazy with the things of God, nor your relationship with Jesus. let the day work for you, so you'll always, each week be reminded that you have an appointment and time set aside to find rest for your soul in Him, as fellowship, prayers, the breaking of bread and the apostles doctrine, still and quiet your soul and instruct you in the words and the ways of His righteousness.

A plague because of your willful unscriptural choices

David numbered the people, and we read the enemy put this in His heart, but God also had a plan of judgment in it too. But, David was doing this to see how many fighting men he had, perhaps as a means of pride in the life of the king, rather than trusting God to be Israel's defense. Trust in God is one thing that is at stake here, and a sinful, willful heart of 'doing your own thing' and not doing it God's prescribed way.

Exodus 30:12 “Whenever you take a census of the people of Israel, each man who is counted must pay a ransom for himself to the Lord. Then no plague will strike the people as you count them.

God's ways are not our ways. We get ideas in our mind that can go in direct opposition to God's already written word. That's why we should acknowledge Him in all of our ways, just in case we are in the flesh in our decision making, and the Holy Spirit wants to bring to remembrance an exact verse pertaining to our present choices. It might save our neck or someone else's if we listen, before we act suddenly or even recklessly in regard to what He has already spoken. O, the hurtful things our families or churches might be spared from, if we just heard God's word first on the subject and responded accordingly, for no believer would ever really want to be the reason a plague had come upon his family or friends.

David also disregarded the law against having many wives for a king, and look how that missed opportunity of obedience to God's revealed word, messed up his example to Solomon, who eventually married godless women who stole his heart away from the right path. Being 'on it' with the word of truth, has a much better legacy and impact to leave behind, with no residual trail of plaguish destruction.

To forgive

"Lord forgive them, they know not what they do"
The Lord knows our exact sins against Him, He knows our deepest motives, He is fully aware of our depravity, He sees into the heart of hearts, the very core of our being, and He still loves us and forgives us of everything. This is truly amazing.

I think, "oh, I can forgive this person for what they've said and done to me." But, I don't really know the heart of the man nor their deepest motive, nor the abominations they harbour in their thought life against me. I might be able to find it somewhat easy to let them off the hook and say, "I forgive you," with ignorance of the many unknown angles, and secrets of their heart. But, if I truly did know exactly what they thought and how evil their heart and words were toward me, could I bear it, could I let it go, could I truly forgive? Well, here we have it, our Lord knows all this information and He still chooses to forgive all of our willful, rebellious sinning. He understands clearly just how bad we really are and yet He remembers the sin of our confession no more. He washes us clean, makes our hearts as white as snow, though we don't deserve it.

Can we in turn, like Jesus or even Stephen the first martyr of the church, say to the Lord, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do," while they are gnashing at us with their teeth, while they mean us ill intent? May we have, with our incomplete knowledge of any given situation, His true heart of forgiveness towards the one(s) who have offended us.

John

An Answer to all of Your relationship problems with anyone

Letting People off the hook

My neighbor walks his dog, and his dog messes on my lawn, but I don’t grow bitter toward him, and begin to despise him and everything about him, because I really do like my neighbor, he’s a good guy. Insanely as it may sound to some, I don’t mind the dog messing on my lawn, and if the neighbor forgets to pick it up, I don’t write him off, never wanting to talk to him again. No, I later go and get my shovel and pick up the mess. Why should someone loving their dog and living in an apartment and taking their dog for a walk be such a point of contention for me? Well, it’s not.  But for many people, they’d never drop it, they could not shake it. They’d think,” why should you make me pick up your dog’s mess. Don’t you have any consideration?” But there are other strengths in this neighbor, like the many times he’s fixed bicycles for us, and also cared for our foreign home-stay students, fixing their bikes as well and requiring nothing in return. This fella is a good hearted, good natured man, and to make him feel like his neighbor is his enemy, and for him to feel friction every time he looks at my house or walks past , how tormenting that would be for him, it would make him want to move. And there you have it, some would say, “that’s exactly what I want to accomplish, scaring the guy off, thus no more mess.”  How much we’d end up missing out on, in these human relationships that can sharpen us and even benefit us.

You do not know if you are doing something that is inadvertently bugging someone.  Are you so perfect with no blind spots, that you can just breeze through life, with no ill effects on anyone? Having good relationships and even reconciling on damaging issues is more important to me than having my toes stepped on, and making my point, like, “no one’s going to do that to me.”  Who do I think I am? I have been forgiven so many times for so much, so how can I not extend a heart of forgiveness toward my fellow man?  I can just write off the incident each time he causes offence, even up to 70 x 7.  I can be stretched beyond my personality bent and my own personal need for justice, and stretched beyond my limited ability to just let it go, and choose to still appreciate my neighbor, and not be bothered by that continuous occurrence. My neighbor has so much to offer, there’s unknown advantage to the continued relationship.

He helped my sons get a job. Wow, there are many ways knowing him has complimented our family.  Just to let you know, I write about this, not because I’m irritated by the ‘dog thing,’ but thinking about how others would be, and how uncommon or otherworldly it is ‘to not let it eat at me,’ and others need to hear this.

My son just parked in the middle of the driveway where you almost couldn’t get another car in the driveway, if he does it again, and again, should I just write him off, tell him to move out, never talk to him again? You can see how silly that looks. We’ve got to bear with the weaknesses of others, not just our family but beyond the borders of our homes.  One area that we might be strong in, they are weak, and the area we are weak in, they might be strong. I have friends who don’t answer texts back in my timing, or even not at all, even when I ask a question,  I think it’s just rude, but do I just write them off because of this personal offense? We would be writing everyone off for everything all the time if we went by that rule of thumb. We’ve got to let things slide.

People feel the world owes them something. “How dare any person, just being human, ever let me down.”  Is my neighbor smudging my expectations of himself  a mortal crime, unforgiveable?  Oh, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all thought like this? Of course I mention this facetiously.

 My neighbor has brought me meals, from fish he himself caught, it’s worked visa versa as well, he’s come over for meat I’ve Bar-B-Q’d. But why throw away all that neighborly stuff, over something a shovel and trashcan can take care of?

 I like my neighbor, and I know there’s even a chance that he could read this, and the fear that he’d misunderstand my using him as an example. But what a great example it is to all the neighbors of the world, that we’d let each other off the hook more for such small infractions, or the overstepping of some unwritten code. I know this will not solve all relationship problems, I realize there are neighbors that commit true crimes against one another, and that you might be hated just because you are who you are, but generally, it really is, such minute differences that lead us to cut people off, and it’s time to learn to give people a break. Bite your tongue, keep it in your heart, and don’t let it stew or boil over, but rather dismiss it. For this kind of honorable behavior, truly, if not the world, at least your neighborhood will be a better place for it.

Simply love Him

There is no greater love than to love the Lord. If you are looking for love, this is the answer for your life. This love will completely satisfy the longing heart. He will NEVER depart from you, He remains faithful to you His child. People search in life and look so hard for real love, and Jesus our Lord and Saviour freely gives us everlasting love.

Hang in there with Him, continue in your walk of faith, because He HUNG on the tree for you. he stayed there and wouldn't come down, because He had to finish His greatest demonstration of love for you His friend. Oh, what love it is, nothing compares! He first loved you, while yet a sinner, He drew you with cords of love. So my beloved brethren, just make sure to keep Him in the place of your first love, above all other loves or distractions. Jesus said, "do you love Me more than these?" Can you here Him speaking to your heart, as to what level your love for Jesus is? If you do love Him, He's got something for you to .do that will honor His name.

He paid the most extravagant price in purchasing yourself for Himself, with His own precious blood. So, be thankful and love Him with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength. He is always there for you, even right now at this very moment. Just come to a grinding halt in everything temporal, look to Him wh is seated above, His arms of love are stretched wide open, to carry you and every one of your burdens you've ever faced. He is your perfect answer to every deep question and for every hungering heart! He is who you were looking for your entire life, even when you didn't realize it. Up until you finally believed, and saw He is all you ever truly needed! And that He would fill your life completely with Himself and surround you with His love. That he, as a serenading husband would sing over you His church, His beloved bride. The Lord has shed His love abroad in our hearts, and all we gotta do, to demonstrate our faith and our obedience, is to love others

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1John 4:10,11 NKJV)