A Day to Remember

A Day to Remember

When we married we said phrases something like, "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part, so help me God." I know vows have morphed a bit over the years, but the basic content remains the same. Promises to love and cherish one another not knowing what life's years may bring. Today, our week long anxiously awaited (on my part) diagnosis of my wife's tumor in her salivary gland, came via a phone call from the doctor saying, "I have some bad news," then apologizing. Cancer has touched almost every family, but you can't fully brace yourself for those words when they are coming at your bride that you've committed to for life, and you're both still in your 40's, upper I'll tell you, but still young enough and serious enough about the Lord to feel like you've got a lot of life and marriage left to turn the world upside down as a team for the Lord.

At first my wife received the news with grace and great strength, but as the prayers, Facebook messages, sad hearts and loving well wishers mounted throughout the day with the greatest of intentions, and my lovely wife began to read about adenoid cystic carcinoma and the future effects there can be, some sadness began to well up in her heart and manifest itself with tears. She is strong but she doesn't want to be the center of attention and make others sad, especially our 19 year old who called with tears in his eyes. But, God has displayed us as apostles, condemned to death, as a spectacle to men and angels. For some reason as He looks upon His work and people on the earth, He decides at times that this person (these people), need to be displayed, so He might display His mighty works for others to see.

As my wife is just getting over the first surgery and now anticipating a second one, with pain still a regular occurance in the scar, in the throat and the surrounding area of the jaw, to even think of reopening a fresh and painful wound once again is a lot for the mind to wrap itself around.

Tonight I saw a church member at the store who prayed for my wife. I shared with her how clumsy I've been. Myself having splatterd something on her shirt, and then taking a paper towel and wiping it off of her and her neck, not considering the wound. "Oh, Lord, help me to not be so absent minded in trying to minister to my wife, through this ordeal, wherein she needs tenderness and thoughtful care, from a husband who is more nurselike than awkward."

She has had to take off time from work, from teaching English as a second language and her role as a fitness instructor as well (leading zumba). She's still full scheduled ahead in ministering to women's groups in the body of Christ, and in some ways remaining busy can be a blessing, but in other ways it's not necessarily possible to do it all. The Lord will guide and circumstances will also lead in what to cut back on and what to continue. But, myself as that spiritual leader of my family, need to know how to properly lead my wife (the weaker vessel) in this personally uncharted territory.

We have such a great life together (heirs of the grace of life) inheriting a lifespan with all of it's experiences, blessings and trauma. After the surgery last week, I shed a few tears in letting my thoughts run ahead a bit (probably some good processing of the whole experience and our fragility, and potential scenarios). Today, I had a sentimental moment but held myself back from proceeding with any emotion, because even though I do need to think things through and feel things on this front, I presently need to remain steady and with a level head to continue strong for my wife so I can be there for her during her hour of darkness and weakness.

I do love her and want to come alongside of her, if I could take it for her I would. But, mostly rather than being one of Job's comforters with lots of generalized answers that aren't necessarily led by the Spirit,..... I just want to listen, hug and say the wisest things, to infuse strength and courage. She's a great gal and I am bearing her burden. What more could a husband do? Well, I'm certain I will find out. And I hope to be the best at it I can be.

It's hard for a husband when you hear your wife tearing up, oh, how we want to make things just work out, but we can't, somethings only Jesus can fix. That is why we need to commit all serious things to the Lord, going before His throne of grace to find the help in time of need. One thing my wife and I know, even in our fallibility as people, and in one of our more vulnerable seasons, we know that God is good, that Jesus loves us, and greater is He that is in us. When things are changing and uncertain, even unpredictable, we run to what we know, and fall into the arms of Who we know, the Author and Finisher of our faith. He will never let us down, He has shown Himself to be faithful, time and time again, and He won't fail us now.

How do we walk through this valley of the shadow of death, and see Him enlightening our darkness? We do so by knowing that He is with us and He will be our guide even unto death. Now I don't say that because I believe this situation is unto death, but it is sobering, it is something designed to do a greater transforming work into the character of Jesus, it has within it the pursposes of God, not that He caused it, but that He works it together for our good, according to the counsel of His perfect will for our lives. Nothing gets past Him, and this is woven into the tapestry of God's plan for our ministry, our marriage, our family and in all God is doing with us. Do we thank the Lord for this? Certainly. For He always brings beauty out of ashes, the oil of joy out of mourning and the garment of praise out from the spirit of heaveniness.

I might abhor this kind of trial, it might be rather treacherous for my wife, but, we can have peace and rest in our hearts knowing He is there, He is with us, He will never leave nor forsake us. To know that He is hearing, that He is not turning a blind eye but is actively involved in the life of His daughter, my wife, and He will be lifted up and honored through our sufferings. Nothing will be wasted, and it is working for us something that is far greater.... than not going through this could have done. Do we understand His purposes completely? No. But do we trust Him? Yes.

In sickness and in health, I am committed to the one I love, to the one I married, to the one who said YES to me, during our horseback riding date, as I was giving her a ring and tripped on a log as it was rolling out from under me. God joined us together, the two became one.  If God be for us, who can be against us, and shall tribulation separate us from His love? Certainly not. We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus, and I fully believe we shall triumph over this spiritual battle. We'll go through it, but we'll come out as gold. The storm may rock us, but our eyes are on the Lord, and with that, we can't miss what His hand is going to do. Today was a day to remember, the first of many on this new course with the wife of my youth, but Jesus is in the driver's seat and His grace will be there as we travel this road.