Restore Health, O Lord

Restore Health, O Lord

Lord, be with my wife as she is in the radiation room right now. I pray that just the right amount of radiation would go in to kill any bad cells. I pray that you’d help her to not have the fatigue or lose her salivary glands. Lord, fill her prayers for South Africa while she is in there. Bless service tonight and our drive home together. Lord, please show me some sort of a vision for my wife, not from my own making or fears or hopes but from You. I pray you’d harvest all of the tares from the field of her neck. I pray they could eat nothing in sight like a locust on a field, I pray that you’d shoo them away.

Lord, my wife has considered the possibility of not surviving as she has been thought about the future, for she is so small and weak compared to this vicious cancer, but Lord, You are bigger. Lord, if You have a plan to take her life and you were to relent of it, would you do this for the good, for the best of everyone and everything? Lord I pray for this devouring fire, that seems to be consuming the land, that fire of radiation that is for healing but is also a fire of burning and damaging, I pray that you’d extinguish the effects of this fire. I pray like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, she’d not smell like smoke, that the after effects wouldn’t stay on her. So Lord, would you please stop this vicious enemy. Lord, I pray that your testing as by fire would only prove that Maureen is walking the straight line and

that Your love for her would show forth. I pray that You wouldn’t ignore this situation and that You’d shine forth and bring this thing to a sudden end.

Lord, expose and deter all plots against Maureen and myself. And Lord, those who would speak incorrectly about us, (about health or otherwise) that any false words would be intolerable to You, whether the enemy says, “aha, aha, I’ve got her in my clutches, or aha, aha I’ve got him in my clutches.” Lord, I pray that you’d deliver her from this exile land like Patmos. May my wife go forward in her life, forgetting those things which are behind and pressing toward the things ahead, that she could bear this present cross because of that which is to come (which she seemingly doesn’t really know about yet). May she bother and disturb the kingdom of darkness to the utmost. May she come forth as gold and worship Your holy name. She has been prepared in the spirit to go through this, but neither one of us have been trained by a book to know here… what to do, so I pray that we’d have Your guidance.

For the realm of darkness that doesn’t want to hear my wife preaching the truth anymore, even righteously dealing with the sins of your people in truth, I pray she wouldn’t be stopped. I pray that my wife would be ripe and ready for a healing for a miracle from You. O Lord, turn my wife’s weeping into singing. May this bitter day quickly turn into a day of rejoicing. May my wife be blessed in the hearing of words from the Lord, like she did today in that verse she text to me, that was underlined in her bible and she didn’t remember ever underlining it. May my wife not grow weary or faint hearted in this battle, may she stand strong in the strength of the Lord.

“For I will restore health unto thee and I will heal thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.” Jeremiah 30:17 KJV

Lord, bring your shaking to this situation, shake those things that need to be shaken that those things that are more permanent might remain. May she escape and survive as did Rahab receive sparing because of her good works toward the spies. Bring your help, from this enemy that has bitten her, and that any hiding, microscopic enemies will be annihilated. Make them melt away. Show how awesome You are Lord in this.

Lord, as you watch and see everything, may you bring them out! As you are sifting herself and myself, dear Lord, may our faith not fail, not even for a moment, that we would not waver, but bring glory to You.

I know bad things happen to righteous people and we ourselves suffer, even greatly, but Lord, please repair the damaged walls of her life. Any ruins that are occurring in this fire, I pray that You Yourself would restore, and lift her from a fallen countenance and heart. Rebuild her better and stronger, and restore her former glory that she has seen before the Adenoid Cystic Carsinoma, and in pictures prior to surgery. Lord, cause her life to drip with the sweet wine of your Spirit, as you are presently allowing the fermentation process in her life. 

Firmly plant her and may she never be uprooted in Jesus name amen.

New Perspective & Hope

Sometimes trials can seem insurmountable, and we don't see how things might get better. What's before us is alive, real and kicking. When we do as the scriptures tell us, to mount up with wings as eagles, to run and not be weary, we end up getting a perspective that we would not have seen had we just been looking at the wind and the waves and the water filling the boat.

My dear wife Maureen went to the pathologist yesterday and got the report on her big surgery, what we had been looking for, the word was still, "clean margins." There were some uncomfortable words said, at least to myself, like, 'we found cancer in a lymph node and on some of the soft tissue,' but the answer to that was, "it was a successful surgery." Anything the human eye could see, with special magnifying glasses during the surgery, was cut out.

I had my list of questions to ask, probably more than the average person, and the doctor got a bit worried about me that I was thinking things too far ahead. Actually I was asking very exact and to the point questions about the surgery and pains that were presently being felt and what that might mean. But in his explanation about my potentially taking things too far, I could see that he was helping us understand how we should be looking at things from this point onward. "If the margins that were cut out during surgery were tested and all came back clean, then just hold onto that, go to the next step, readiation, and leave it in the hands of the Lord." It's so nice to be reminded of the basics from a Christian doctor.

Regarding this kind of cancer having the tendency to return, even in 60% of his patients, the push was toward the positive, she's alive and she needs to just live. Get through the present diffulties and when a clean bill of health comes in December or such, just appreciate it, and live as a cured person. You get it, don't worry about the future. And truly we have been casting all of our cares upon Him, knowing that He cares for us.

When you are put through such a horrendous trial, you can't help but let your mind wander sometimes, and with this, the seriousness of what you are facing sets in. But, what can any of us do but pray and trust. God has never let us down and never will, no matter what the future holds.

My wifes birthday was yesterday and the one thing that she felt would be a great present was if we all prayed together, my two sons, two daughters and myself. Well, they have all been off doing their own things lately, but to have them together each praying for her, even the laying on of hands, and each praying for something personal in their lives as well, you could see this was the perfect gift to an easily satisified wife. Last night we all sang happy birthday to her, along with our two Chinese students staying with us, and you should have heard it, like something out of the tryouts for American Idol.

Presently my wife is dealing with an impediment in her speaking, but even with that, the doctor said, don't worry about it until after you are finsihed with radiation. All of this gave my wife some needed perspective. She was able to step back for a moment and find a new way to take things in and interpret all these things she was going through, a new bird's eye view.

I knew my wife had been struggling with an inner need for hope, especially after the surgery. She asked friends to pray, and sure enough, she ends up having hope begin to surface in her heart again. Truly, He has been a light in her darkness.Thank God for hope in the midst of discouragment, hope in the midst of the unknown, hope when much of her before cancer life seems to be diminishing.

It's interesting how things like this bring people out of the woodworks. An old friend reconciled their relationship with us. People have such different responses, a few didn't want to see Maureen because they were afraid they'd start crying, very understandable. Others cringe at medical things and so have kept at arms distance. Her situation has reminded others and magnified in their hearts their own problems and issues, and others have been too busy to take any notice, but for the most part, there has been an outpouring of love and freiendship like you've never seen. I am thankful for all who have shown their sacrificial words and deeds of love in multiple ways.

We shall prevail, one way or the other, because God is reigning on the throne of eternity. I hope as you feel the pressures of this life coming your way, you will cling to the Lord with all you've got. Never take your eyes off the author and finisher of your most holy faith. We don't always understand His working, the ways he does or seemingly doesn't answer prayer, our feeling close or distanced from Him. All is in His loving hands and we just need to know He is strengthening us and working no matter how dreary or long a day and season may look to us.

One day cold winter shall all be over for all of us, and when all is said and done, the question is, what did we do with Jesus during this life? He is the one who died on the cross for our sins, and rose from the dead, because death had no power to keep Him in the grave.

May we all just be empowered from on high to be His witnesses and let men, women and children everywhere know to repent, be baptized and be filled with the Holy Spirit. If any one of our situations brings about the opportunity for us to share the love of Jesus with someone, that is enough to make it worth it, no matter how personally painful the dreadful trial may be.

Come quickly Lord Jesus. Amen!

John Schaffer

Pleasantly Surprised

Pleasantly Surprised

My wife had gotten this word that the Lord had dropped into her spiritual ear, "you're going to be pleasantly surprised." Whatever this fully meant, who knows, but it definitely sounded good. A word like that helps you to anticipate better things. After meditating on a few discouraging words, a bit of uplift goes a long way. It's so nice when God speaks, and He is never silent. Worst case scenario portrayed as even more fearsome than before, but we quickly gravitated toward the her doctor's hopeful words of the surgery going more quickly and less intrusive. The mystery is upon us and what will God choose for her? The clock ticks and hope abounds. So many friends on the edge of their seats. Even at this same time yesterday my brother in law with three younger sons underwent a successful and specialized open heart operation. He's in ICU now, the bleeding hasn't stopped yet. She mentioned the stress and to hear my sister's quivering voice was sobering, but still she prayed with me for my wife.

The dynamic or the incremental?

What great verses there are in the old and new testaments about the mighty miracles of God, and we are not wrong for anticipating God to act in that way. No doubt, the hand of God seen in our life's situations helps us know He is here. But, when things don't go quite like we expect, these let downs do not mean God is absent or is powerless. For every person who recieves a miracle there are others who would say that they prayed and nothing noticeably happened.

Just as much as He can perform a dynamic miracle, He also works in more incremental ways. The God of the big things is also the God of the small. He makes majestic mountain ranges as well as fields of tiny flowers. both are beautiful and both reveal His handiwork. The Book of Dueteronomy teaches that God's people could not take the land at once, but rather "little by little," otherwise it might be too much for them.

We love God who parts The Red Sea, but Jesus who makes water into wine, is not any less mighty. If you do not get a parting Red Sea but only see water turned into wine, know that these smaller things are also His detailed involvement in His child's life. We've had so many living saints praying for our family and especially for my wife in her affliction. What are the visible results? Up to this point I believe God is giving peace in the calm, before the backside of the hurricane passes by. All the blatant love of the brethren, has been a powerful touch from the Lord. God's sustaining work in the midst of getting our boat rocked is awesome. His carrying His lambs in His arms, is so sweet. We know and can see that He is very personal in the "He is God," moments, but also just as much Divine in His quieter, more incremental moving of mountains. He shows Himself strong toward those whose hearts are loyal to Him. Our stability in Him has not been shaken, and in undeniable ways He is in the storm. He's in the boat of our lives, as the water is pouring in and we are feeling insecure, yet He is getting us to the other side, just as He promised. Maureen's precious Savior has ministered to her deepest concerns, she is filled with His Spirit, and clinging to His strong arm. He will never disappoint her and she will never be ashamed. Putting her continual trust in Him there are no regrets in looking back.

What a day will bring forth

My dear wife said she has all eternity to spend eternity, but she wants more time here. She really loves life. In fact she has a great life, a wonderful family. As an example of this, our son willingly withdrew from Bible College to be there for his mom during her recovery and treatment.

After 5 weeks since her first surgery, the big day is upon us, Maureen's second surgery is happening. This is the medical means necessary to do the job. Maureen had gotten a word from the Lord that when she awakes after surgery to "embrace the pain," meanin cancer has been cut away, just as when He hung on that painful cross, sin had been done away with. This word from the Lord comforts me, and I believe she'll make it through this, really well.

Two weeks ago we sat with a group of doctors that were factual but dismal. Telling us without the greatest tact that she'll most likely die from this cancer. We thought this depressive spirit might have been the spirit of the L.A. area. On the drive home we both had some tears. I cried mostly because I was sad that she was sad. There have been several times when she was awakened at 4 in the morning, her mind running in several directions, weeping for a moment, with me curled at her side, feeling a few tears down my cheek. There is something about a wife crying that really gets to the heart of a husband. No matter how tough the exterior, no man wants his wife to feel sad, so I think. At times when telling somebody something about Maureen a sad chord had been struck, my eyes appearing watery, and then those drives alone in the car, when think of the what ifs, I can feel a few tears well up. There are some sentimental moments for these things weighing on a husband's heart. We feel the effect of the prayers that we are being carried on His wings. I'm probably more of a typical guy in prayer, compared to what I should be as a pastor, I don't always pray as long or as passionately as I've seen some sisters pray, but I am praying and no matter the outcome, we know God is with us.

What is God doing through all of this? His plans and His ways are higher than ours, but one thing for sure, He's with us. It's amazing how the body of Christ can rally in times of distress. I know there have been believers that have had a surgery and no one was there to bring a meal, I know that there have been brethren that have had hardship and no one was there to lift a helping hand, and this is tragic to say the least. But, I do know that when you serve the Lord, and when you are friendly you will have lots of friends. My wife has brought many a meal over the years and now she who has refreshed many, is herself being abundantly refreshed.

We know that the initial stages of this has brought a lot of attention, but many who have ACC (adenoid cystic carcinoma), continue for 5, 10 and some for up to 20 years, and with this the seriousness of a dreaded disease can wear off and the mutitudes begin to die down, just like when we have a loved one who dies, everyone gathers around in heartfelt sympathy, but a month later the decline is markedly obvious. In all actuality I do hope that this is the way it goes, I hope Maureen is able to go on and on, though still potentially carrying about in her body some destructive cells, yet people forgetting and going on with life and Maureen riding through the storm with flying colors, and then, forget death, the rapture occurs! Now, that would be great. I truly do want to live the rest of my life with her. Having dated as Christians, the Lord having put us together in provable supernatural ways, making it very clear that this was a team for the Lord. Not every relationship has or needs that, but ours special in the Kingdom for His purposes. I want to keep on enjoying my marriage with Maureen, I want to keep on being used by the Lord together. Oh yes, I'm a goofball at times, I've got my flaws, but greater is He who is in me. My love for the Lord and strength in Him, with no confidence in the flesh is what carries me on. I can't imagine life without the one I love. She is my better half, she has helped civilize me, she definitely brings the balance when needed. I know the Lord is growing me through my wife and her wisely coming alongside of me as a helpful bride, praying me up to par. I need those prayers, so she's got to stick around just to keep me in line. But, of course, God alone knows the future, and we trust in Him and are helped. I'm looking forward to a long life together and being used to even a greater capacity to help others know they can have a great marriage too.

Manifest Strength

1 Cor. 4:9 For, I think that God has displayed us, the apostles, last of all, like men sentenced to death. For we are made a spectacle to the world, both to angels and men. (world english bible)

God does display certain of His people, so others may see and learn from their lives. My wife Maureen right now is on display as she has become the center of attention because of a disease called cancer. Many know about her present plight, and many expressively love her. They who have heard her potently share His word and have had the blessed opportunity of being around her vivacious personality, know that she is a strong woman.

Prov. 31:17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. NIV

But, does being a woman mean you can go through something treacherous like this, unscathed? Obviously not. In our human weakness and lack of understanding as to what it means to have her life turned upside down, there are a multitude of human emotion. Will I get to see my grandkids, how will my family handle this, etc? The waves billow over you, the tears come, the thoughts rush to the forefront of your waking hours. The early darkness of dawn has a lonely place in it and the stomach has its own fragility in handling the flood of tripiditious thoughts as she is learning to trust in Him with something so new and unknown, unexpected and violent.

I like being married to a strong woman, though a few times I have enjoyed her being a bit needy, seeing the little girl inside, drawing from her strong and comforting husband. But, my wife truly does have an inner strength, nurtured along and having progressed in the fertile soil of constant praise and prayer, always looking up, living in the face of her Savior, alert to an eternal perspective.

I heard a tell her, "you're so strong," and my wife reponding, "you are seeing His strength." She knows how weak she is and her dependence on the Lord allows His strength to be manifested for others to see. I know we have both felt beat up, we've both had to process this on multiple levels, serious news from authoritative sources. We didn't really know the kind of giant we were facing. But, she got on her female boxing gloves and has been ready to fight for her life. It's painful but Lord willing, fruitful.

We've received some good words from others, that say, "she's going to be O.K., don't worry." Hoping this is from the Lord, but what does O.K. really mean? Paul's friends begged him not to go to Jerusalem, even saying words from the Spirit like "chains await you," but how much of their not wanting him to go, was influenced by their love and fears for him? But of course his famous statement in Acts 20:24 sums it up, "
But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus--the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God." NLT

Prepare For Battle, You Are Being Attacked

Prepare For Battle, You Are Being Attacked

A good sister had a vision/dream quite a few years ago, that there were demons attacking my wife’s throat, right before her larynx, thyroid and now salivary gland tumor surgeries. In the dream I said, “keep on singing.” Well my wife is finishing a CD project she has been working on for almost 5 years or so. This will be a testimony to the Lord with great worship songs she has put together that will bless many.

It is disquieting in spiritual warfare how we are being watched stealthfully by the demonic realm, to see how we might be shut up and restrained in some way.

    

Ps 40:9

 9 I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness

In the great assembly;

Indeed, I do not restrain my lips,

O Lord, You Yourself know. NKJV

 

The king burned in the fire, Jeremiah’s prophetic scroll, but could that really stop the word of God? Paul continued to give the word in chains, but the word of God is not chained. When we are finally dead we will not preach any longer,  so I say, “we are not finished until He’s finished with us,” so we’ve got to “keep on singing,” keep on preaching no matter what may come our way. The enemy might try to close your mouth, stirring up exaggerated feelings of awkwardness, fearfulness, shyness or spiritual indifference, so you find yourself not being as effective in your witness for Christ as you’d like. But what if you are doing all that you can do, seemingly taking every opportunity for the word of God? I think the enemy is watching such servants and trying to squelch their voice, finding some method to put a clamp on it. Different people, different methods, but the same purpose, to hinder the gospel of Christ, and to slow down the expansion of the kingdom, to certainly put a stop to you.

Now back to my wife, she is under attack, the enemy is trying to use health issues to hinder her, to immobilize her, to distract her. As most of you who have enjoyed her teaching know, she has ump, she’s a fireball for the Lord (zeal), she says it like it is, but I want to proclaim to you in the midst of all the sorrow of dealing with a temporary battle called cancer, I believe, the gates of hell shall not prevail. I don’t think this is just my hopefulness, my love for my wife, or my overwhelming inner desire speaking louder to me than a pessimistic view that things could get worse. I know the Lord is in on this, for the good, no matter what. I know He gave Satan permission in Job’s case, in the Bible, to even put boils on his body, but God brought final restoration in a big way later in life.

My wife knows she has all eternity to spend eternity in, and she looks forward to that time. But, she only has one shot at this life, to roll up her sleeves in battle and walk by faith, raise children and soon to have a granddaughter, so she looks forward to enjoying what God has for her now. I would say that most people with cancer want to live, no one really expects getting that diagnosis, then picturing themselves dying young.

I know my wife wants to live and is going to put up the fight to be a survivor, so we might enjoy the grace of life together. I’m glad she doesn’t give up, and I confidently anticipate having my wife with me for a full life together. (the doctor has said that he believes the weight is on that side). This season will be beset by much suffering. But, as believers know, it purifies our faith like gold. When you’re going through the fire, putting it all in a future context doesn’t necessarily mean a lot at that moment, but when you look back in retrospect you can see how the hand of God was there, moving and working His perfect work. Later you might even feel thankful over certain things, that He allowed you to go through the time of barely having your nose above the water. At times now we might question things, like, where’s God, why God, what are you doing God, and we don’t have all the answers, but one day we shall know even as we are known by God

        

Job 42:3

 Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

things too wonderful for me to know…….

 

5 My ears had heard of you

but now my eyes have seen you. NIV

 

I really don’t want my wife to go through this major combat, and using this conflict to help her know Him better, is entirely up to Him, but seems painful to me. We don’t understand all that He is doing, but we do trust Him in it. He is our high tower that we run to and are safe.

The devil has not and will not win! My wife is still teaching for Him. This weekend’s retreat maybe her last until the second surgery and recovery is over and the radiation is finished (but who knows). She still teaching a pastor’s wives study, and will do another video this week for the October study. The truth marches on, through her.

If  you are going through any grievous trials right now, look to Jesus, He loves you, and will carry you through. Lean on his breast in communing with Him. Draw near with a fully assured heart. Don’t be shaken from believing ‘He will never leave you nor forsake you,’ He’ll take you up when your closest allies flee.

Warfare can be long and tedious, we may have our weak moments, but we know Who wins the war!

Facing Any Fear With You

Facing Any Fear With You

My wife Maureen is worth so much to me, we’ll overcome life’s worst fears together. I'd lasso the moon for her. (a phrase from It's a Wonderful Life that I'd always tell her).

None of us want to go through trials. We can think of the worst things that can happen to us and it would make us want to run away. The possibility of that dreaded phone call in the middle of the night, about your loved one, just might send chills down your spine. The real world we are living in has many devastating things that can happen to you and I and those we know and love. Most of us desire to love life and see good days, because life is just a vapor for all of us. But what are we going to do when things seem to be going wrong, when our boat gets rocked, when we’ve got something paralyzing looming over us? Statistically there are seemingly endless bad things that may happen to us, and though most families will be touched by cancer at some time. But, knowing that doesn’t take away the sadness in receiving a very troubling diagnosis of cancer, let alone this rare kind that feeds on your nerves. With one surgery down another one is coming, and this one will be quite extensive to say the least. Imagine having a number of varying facial nerves cut and half of your jaw bone taken out on the right side (with a metal plate for reinforcement) and that part of your face being numb for life, in order to be given a normal life expectancy.  My lovely wife will need to surrender herself to the doctor’s demands. I’m glad that she is willing to do what it takes to live, I definitely want her to live, and I can’t imagine her being pulled away. Why is she the one that has to go through this ordeal, I ask, I'd take it in a heartbeat. But the Lord has His purposes in all the evil we go through. It’s comforting just know He has a plan for His glory, even in our most horrific trials on earth. He is always with us, even through the valley of the shadow of death. In trying circumstances, we fear no evil for He is with us. Those are satisfying words, during such grievous times.

My wife will have to go through six weeks of radiation daily, minus the weekends. After the surgery and a prescribed radiation treatment, which I hope will annihilate this alien mass. This is an ugly corners we find ourselves backed into, unpredictable and outside of our control, but the Lord is travelling the unpaved road with us. His rod and His staff they comfort us all along the way. We get to draw closer to Him in ways we’ve only read about, but now will know for ourselves.

I was happy to hear the doctor say that my wife will still be able to sing and teach. Praise God, the enemy will not have a victory in this area! My wife received at word in the middle of the night, to look up verses on war. Wow, there are some good verses for the believer on this subject, here is a great one I found for her.

Deut 20:1

 When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. NIV

It’s a joy to see how the brethren are so encouraging with verses, with hope, with love, with empathetic and compassionate hurting hearts, with practical helpfulness. What a blessing to be a part His a body when troubled times come. Sometimes for us Christians it can be a bit awkward in trying to minister in such situations, we may even eminate our worry, but are well intentioned and God uses our willingness to demonstrate His love.

My wife felt a bit like hiding in our room during her recovery period from the first surgery, and pain meds were bringing her down. At times like this, your own bed can make you feel secure. But, since my wife is also very social, there have been church family freely dropping by to say hi, in fact there are 3 here right now.

My kids have all handled these things differently. It’s interesting the gamut of feelings and responses a person goes through when things are weighing heavily on the heart. We’ve got to try to be patient with one another. I remember one time when I was 18, when our family home had a big fire, the upstairs had engulfing flames coming out of the windows, the neighbors were standing around watching the blaze, and my family ended up staying at a hotel for several months while the insurance company and contractors were restoring our home. A family can be irritable and testy living with such tension in close quarters. Stressful times on families are a call to prayer. That was not an specific comparison to my family now, I just wanted you to get a feel for it.

Have you ever wondered “how do people go through things like this without the Lord?” It’s so sad when things look contrary to hope, but I’m very blessed my family knows the Lord and has anticipation of future good. He always gets us through everything and there is good hope, no matter how bleak things sound after having heard some hard core facts. God is bigger!

As believers we want to handle burdensome mind blowing events with His wisdom and strength, desiring our responses to be honoring to Him, with the final outcome having been able to be a witness for Christ. As a pastor and his wife, people watch us, possibly thinking, “what is this couple made of, let's see how they handle this. Will they trust the Lord?”  What I preach is, “keep your eyes on Jesus know matter what, and never doubt His goodness.” Our eyes on Jesus will be or consistent practice.

This morning when I was hiking in the hills by our church, I was reading this section of scripture,

1 John 5:14-15

 14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that  if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. ESV

When we hear verses of scripture like this, during ominous times, we wonder if it’s going to work like that for us. However God chooses to answer our prayers, I know that He is not absent, but hears and is personally working in and on our every situation, even when it looks like He isn’t. I want to tell you that today my wife needed a boost in prayer and she asked the Lord to help her find a safety pin and guess what, after not having been able to find one, the Lord put a picture in her mind and sure enough when she looked, it was there. This might sound kind of insignificant to some, but there are times we just need one of those little assurances that God is intervening.

It’s amazing how verses just jump off the pages during those dark nights, how almost everything in the word is just what you needed to hear. Verse after verse, Christian song after song, it’s as if the writers knew people were going to go through hard times. (I think somewhere it said, “you’ve been called to this.”)  

My wife has a good longterm outlook with her low grade tumor (which much of the 3cm carcinoma is still in her neck even now, attached to the nerves which it feeds on). She's at stage 2 and the doctor is going to do all he can do to make sure my wife has a normal lifespan. But this is going to be a lot of work with much suffering. She will need His peace that passes understanding to guard her heart and mind.

It will be hard for me to see my wife feeling anguish after this next tough surgery, but I know the Lord will give me the grace to walk through it with her, giving her tangible comfort just being there, being His hand extended to her.

My wife was so thankful today that the X-ray of her chest didn’t show any spots (mets), therefore it didn’t travel to the lungs, though she has to be watched carefully the next 10 years for this possibility. This gave her great relief as she was concerned for the future of her family and her friends. I wanted to be equally thankful, but the information overload from a two hour meeting with our Oncologist, (who is a believer too) was still weighing heavily on my heart (contemplating the seriousness of this surgery) so I couldn’t soar to the height of gratitude that she was presently at. I want to view things ever so clearly, and see things through His eyes, so I can learn to be on the same page as her through all this. But of course, this is His work, and He does a lot of deep things in our hearts to bring us to the right place.

So where are we heading with this? Are we going to dig a hole and hide our head? No. Our shared goal is to fight this battle and overcome the war that is rising against us. In Jesus mighty name, “Oh, Lord, save us! For we trust in You." He has brought us to this hour and He will get us through. What a mighty God we serve.

The Next Big Thing

The Next Big Thing

Jer 30:12-13

 12 "For thus says the Lord: 'Your affliction is incurable,

Your wound is severe. 13 There is no one to plead your cause,

     That you may be bound up; You have no healing medicines. NKJV

 

Isn’t it familiar, when you are hoping for a “bless me” verse, the reading you happen to be on is a section like this, “your affliction is incurable.” How funny, it’s nice when you are more mature in the Lord and understand the context and aren’t taking it as a battering from God. But, God does speak to us in our misery and woes and He has compassionate words for us. “A bruised reed He will not break and a smoking flax He will not quench.”

 

In all honesty, my wife and I have been through some astronomically big things in the last year and half. If there were to be a book written, minds would be blown away at the spiritual warfare, much more than people even know who have been in the know, and part of our smaller sphere of prayer warrior friends. Maybe if you've read a Christian fiction book like The Screw Tape Letters or some Frank Perretti novel, you'd kind of get it. It wasn’t just one event advertised publicly as a bad report, but there were other diabolical things beyond that evil that would lift eyebrows and cause people to shake their heads in disbelief as to these kinds of unusual warfare actually happening to servants of God. But, our story is anything but fiction, from hearing the “Jewish council” agreeing with His accuser and provoking others to crucify Him, so this kind of real scenario happens even today. The enemy is sometimes allowed to have his heyday with us. We’ve thought about the average size of our church, and the smaller impact we are having on the kingdom (as far as we could see) and wondered why we’d receive such large attacks, but as others have said, “He must have something bigger in store for you.” (whatever that might mean). We definitely learn obedience and compassion through the things which we suffer.  God has kept us in tact, and we have functioned well with our ministries, marriage and lives in the midst of wild and rough warfare. What is some of God’s plans for us? That we look to Him and see His plan unfold, that we remain steadfast, immovable, always abounding in our Lord’s important work. Not allowing the assaults to throw us off track, take us off task or lead us down some wrong path incited by deceptive distraction. Like the magicians split second slight of the hand, the enemy tries to use the things He’s been allowed to throw at us, to redirect us away from the goal and aim in God’s design for our lives and His kingdom.

Well there was another doozy that we sort of braced ourselves for but still hit us out of left field. As my wife is recuperating from her neck surgery and the removal of a carcinoma tumor, she gets the unwanted information of a long road ahead of her with all the treatment she’ll need. This kind of doctors report is somewhat devastating. How do you schedule this into your life? This wasn’t part of the hopes or plan for the future. What is the Lord holding in all of this? He always does deep things in our hearts through everything we go through, and as you’d know, these things are more than refining.

Are any of us ready to have our future put on hold? Are we able to handle the fact that even if we get past this, we’ll have to have check ups for the next 20 years with anticipation of hearing the same bad things again. This was another big one, the next big thing cast upon our lives. It’s a good thing the Bible has the book of Job in it, or some of us would wonder why such negative things happen to Jesus' committed followers. If any of us knew ahead of time what that next big thing was going to be, we most likely wouldn’t be able to handle it, it would probably scare us to death, but when it really does come, God gives us the strength at that time to endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

My wife is a trooper, she was able to minister to myriads of ladies and even praying with one concerned about a possible upcoming cancer report, without even mentioning anything about herself, just being ready to minister to someone else. I remember one time, when my wife was extremely sick, and the pastor’s wife at the church she was speaking at could not get another guest speaker to replace Maureen, so she valiantly laid flat on her back ontop the stage and taught the ladies event from that position. At one point she went out of the room and performed the eye popping experience we’ve all had with a stomach virus and she went back in and kept on teaching. Some would say this is crazy or even wrong, but for the few who have had these kinds of responsibilities and judgment calls to make, they would understand the decision to keep on sharing for the Lord in the midst of personal trouble. Even Paul and Silas while bleeding and in shackles, sang at midnight in the prison and preached the gospel to the prison guard.

How will my dear wife undergo this? How will she stand in the midst of feeling shaky? Will she have much left to give others? The answer is, the Lord gives us another dawning of a new day, with new hopes, challenges and opportunities to trust in Him. He is there for us at all times. He is a very present help in time of need. We only need to cling to Him, for He is the anchor of our soul both sure and steadfast. With Jesus as our cornerstone and foundation we’ll never have the rug pulled out from under us. He upholds us with His righteous right hand and He is the lifter of our head. We can always find encouragement in Him and His arm is never too short that it cannot save.

My wife has good friends who bring food, help clean, sit by her and love on her. But in a trial like this you still tend to feel alone in some ways, like Elijah who said, they have killed all the prophets, I alone am left. But we find that we have a company of angels around us, and the glories of worshipping on Mount Zion at the feet of Jesus, and bringing us into the heavenly realms, as the things of this world begin to grow into a dreamlike blur. My wife wants to hear His voice above all the other noise around her, above the diagnosis, above the ‘what ifs,’ and more louder than her own jabbing thoughts. With His voice, His own sheep hearing His voice, she will have the peace of God that passes all understanding, and her heart and mind will be guarded in Christ Jesus. Oh, that peace like a river, oh the sweetness of basking in His tender care and strong arms. Yes indeed, leaning on the everlasting arms! “We lift up our eyes to the hills from whence does our help come from, it comes from the Lord,” He lifts our heads above the water, takes us through the fire and brings us to a broad place, beyond the tight squeeze we’ve been in, beyond our style being cramped and our plans undesirably changing. A new place where we might even dance with Him in intimacy, just Him and the one He loves, a special moment, a private time, one on one angelically choreographed to dance as David danced, not for joy of the ark of God having come to town, but for the realness of a covenanted relationship, with the Lord Himself dancing with His bride. As He walks up to her, bowed low, with her head down, with fears, approaching her, touching her and saying, fear not my courageous daughter, taking her hand and beginning the dance, far better than the most glorious ballroom scene you could ever envision.

In the midst of our darkest times we find out how beautiful He really is. Things like elections, earthquakes in far away places and other commotions don’t seem to matter as much, when you are seeing His face and He becomes magnified in the midst of a time where you are decreasing. “Oh, Lord, give my wife the flowers, from the meadows of Your love, hold her tightly and help her to feel secure in the inner strength of Your might. Put your right hand under her head and draw her close to You. I know Your keeping power on the one You love is better than a thousand friends or even a well meaning husband. “Lord, please rescue her, bless her, guide her faith, and sweep her away in your love, high above all enemies that would seek to strangulate her and silence her powerful witness for You.” Your intervention is the only thing that will truly bring the answers to all of our prayers, which nothing else will do. “    

Ps 16:11

You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy;

At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. NKJV

A Day to Remember

A Day to Remember

When we married we said phrases something like, "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part, so help me God." I know vows have morphed a bit over the years, but the basic content remains the same. Promises to love and cherish one another not knowing what life's years may bring. Today, our week long anxiously awaited (on my part) diagnosis of my wife's tumor in her salivary gland, came via a phone call from the doctor saying, "I have some bad news," then apologizing. Cancer has touched almost every family, but you can't fully brace yourself for those words when they are coming at your bride that you've committed to for life, and you're both still in your 40's, upper I'll tell you, but still young enough and serious enough about the Lord to feel like you've got a lot of life and marriage left to turn the world upside down as a team for the Lord.

At first my wife received the news with grace and great strength, but as the prayers, Facebook messages, sad hearts and loving well wishers mounted throughout the day with the greatest of intentions, and my lovely wife began to read about adenoid cystic carcinoma and the future effects there can be, some sadness began to well up in her heart and manifest itself with tears. She is strong but she doesn't want to be the center of attention and make others sad, especially our 19 year old who called with tears in his eyes. But, God has displayed us as apostles, condemned to death, as a spectacle to men and angels. For some reason as He looks upon His work and people on the earth, He decides at times that this person (these people), need to be displayed, so He might display His mighty works for others to see.

As my wife is just getting over the first surgery and now anticipating a second one, with pain still a regular occurance in the scar, in the throat and the surrounding area of the jaw, to even think of reopening a fresh and painful wound once again is a lot for the mind to wrap itself around.

Tonight I saw a church member at the store who prayed for my wife. I shared with her how clumsy I've been. Myself having splatterd something on her shirt, and then taking a paper towel and wiping it off of her and her neck, not considering the wound. "Oh, Lord, help me to not be so absent minded in trying to minister to my wife, through this ordeal, wherein she needs tenderness and thoughtful care, from a husband who is more nurselike than awkward."

She has had to take off time from work, from teaching English as a second language and her role as a fitness instructor as well (leading zumba). She's still full scheduled ahead in ministering to women's groups in the body of Christ, and in some ways remaining busy can be a blessing, but in other ways it's not necessarily possible to do it all. The Lord will guide and circumstances will also lead in what to cut back on and what to continue. But, myself as that spiritual leader of my family, need to know how to properly lead my wife (the weaker vessel) in this personally uncharted territory.

We have such a great life together (heirs of the grace of life) inheriting a lifespan with all of it's experiences, blessings and trauma. After the surgery last week, I shed a few tears in letting my thoughts run ahead a bit (probably some good processing of the whole experience and our fragility, and potential scenarios). Today, I had a sentimental moment but held myself back from proceeding with any emotion, because even though I do need to think things through and feel things on this front, I presently need to remain steady and with a level head to continue strong for my wife so I can be there for her during her hour of darkness and weakness.

I do love her and want to come alongside of her, if I could take it for her I would. But, mostly rather than being one of Job's comforters with lots of generalized answers that aren't necessarily led by the Spirit,..... I just want to listen, hug and say the wisest things, to infuse strength and courage. She's a great gal and I am bearing her burden. What more could a husband do? Well, I'm certain I will find out. And I hope to be the best at it I can be.

It's hard for a husband when you hear your wife tearing up, oh, how we want to make things just work out, but we can't, somethings only Jesus can fix. That is why we need to commit all serious things to the Lord, going before His throne of grace to find the help in time of need. One thing my wife and I know, even in our fallibility as people, and in one of our more vulnerable seasons, we know that God is good, that Jesus loves us, and greater is He that is in us. When things are changing and uncertain, even unpredictable, we run to what we know, and fall into the arms of Who we know, the Author and Finisher of our faith. He will never let us down, He has shown Himself to be faithful, time and time again, and He won't fail us now.

How do we walk through this valley of the shadow of death, and see Him enlightening our darkness? We do so by knowing that He is with us and He will be our guide even unto death. Now I don't say that because I believe this situation is unto death, but it is sobering, it is something designed to do a greater transforming work into the character of Jesus, it has within it the pursposes of God, not that He caused it, but that He works it together for our good, according to the counsel of His perfect will for our lives. Nothing gets past Him, and this is woven into the tapestry of God's plan for our ministry, our marriage, our family and in all God is doing with us. Do we thank the Lord for this? Certainly. For He always brings beauty out of ashes, the oil of joy out of mourning and the garment of praise out from the spirit of heaveniness.

I might abhor this kind of trial, it might be rather treacherous for my wife, but, we can have peace and rest in our hearts knowing He is there, He is with us, He will never leave nor forsake us. To know that He is hearing, that He is not turning a blind eye but is actively involved in the life of His daughter, my wife, and He will be lifted up and honored through our sufferings. Nothing will be wasted, and it is working for us something that is far greater.... than not going through this could have done. Do we understand His purposes completely? No. But do we trust Him? Yes.

In sickness and in health, I am committed to the one I love, to the one I married, to the one who said YES to me, during our horseback riding date, as I was giving her a ring and tripped on a log as it was rolling out from under me. God joined us together, the two became one.  If God be for us, who can be against us, and shall tribulation separate us from His love? Certainly not. We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus, and I fully believe we shall triumph over this spiritual battle. We'll go through it, but we'll come out as gold. The storm may rock us, but our eyes are on the Lord, and with that, we can't miss what His hand is going to do. Today was a day to remember, the first of many on this new course with the wife of my youth, but Jesus is in the driver's seat and His grace will be there as we travel this road.